


Puppy Tails - Questionnaire II

by Aurora_bee



Series: Puppy tails [116]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Boredom, Compatibility, Cosmo - Freeform, Funny, Gen, M/M, Naughty, Questions, Sex, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-01-16 15:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1351717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_bee/pseuds/Aurora_bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock's bored again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

From: Sherlock Holmes  
To: John Watson  
Cc:  
Subject: Come home

John I'm bored, why on earth did you go to work I have no cases? I thought I'd fill one of these questionnaire things again to fill the time.

Apparently, you’re supposed to fill it in, and ‘have a laugh!’ 

1\. Ever punch someone in the face? Yes, unfortunately not as many times as I have been myself

2\. How old are you? 37

3\. Are you single or taken? Taken several times a night if I’m lucky 

4\. Eat with your hands or utensils? Both

5\. Do you dream at night? Yes, my favourite one is where John is giving a lecture in a hall and suddenly realises he has no clothes on

6\. Ever seen a corpse? Yes, most days in the morgue

7\. Have you ever wished someone dead? Yes, I don't like people who wrap my partner in plastic explosive

8\. Do you like Barack Obama? Who?

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

9\. What's your philosophy on life? and death? I love a good murder

10\. Do you trust the police? No they're a bunch of incompetents

11\. Do you like country music? No, I'm not particularly fond of rhinestones

12\. If you could change anything about yourself would you? Yes, my transport, I wish it could look after itself

13\. What do you wear to sleep? A sheet

14\. Have you ever peed in a pool? While you were still in it? Were you old enough to  
know better? No comment 

15\. If I only had one day to live, what would you do? I would do anything John wanted to do

16\. What's your favourite colour? Purple

17\. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be? Redbeard

18\. An interesting/odd fact about you? I can pass wind on cue

19\. Name a vegetable you haven't eaten. A sprout, I refuse on principle, I’ve smelled  
what it does to people

20\. If you were an animal what would you be? A black cat

I'm not laughing, but if you fill it in and return it I imagine I will be. I expect your reply promptly.

SH


	2. Chapter 2

From: John Watson  
To: Sherlock Holmes  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: Come home

Really Sherlock, it's not like I sit here all day doing nothing. I'm filling it in during my lunch break.

1\. Ever punch someone in the face? Yes, (you deserved it at the time)

2\. How old are you? 42(too old to be filling this out)

3\. Are you single or taken? Taken (looks like you're going to be lucky tonight)

4\. Eat with your hands or utensils? It depends how hungry I am

5\. Do you dream at night? Yes when I'm allowed to sleep

6\. Ever seen a corpse? Yes, some times when I look in the mirror in the morning after 2 hours sleep

7\. Have you ever wished someone dead? Yes, not without due cause

8\. Do you like Barack Obama? He seems ok

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

9\. What's your philosophy on life? and death? Make every second count, and death can take a running jump

10\. Do you trust the police? Yes

11\. Do you like country music? Yes, Dolly Parton is very underrated

12\. If you could change anything about yourself would you? Yes, my height

13\. What do you wear to sleep? Pyjamas and a woolly jumper, someone has a kink....

14\. Have you ever peed in a pool? While you were still in it? Were you old enough to   
know better? No (I really thought the water would turn blue)

15\. If I only had one day to live, what would you do? Be with Sherlock

16\. What's your favourite colour? Blue

17\. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be? My Granddad

18\. An interesting/odd fact about you? My fancy dress outfit is a white Mr T

19\. Name a vegetable you haven't eaten. Fiddleheads

20\. If you were an animal what would you be? A gorilla :)

I hope this gives you something to mull over until I get home :)


	3. Chapter 3

From: Sherlock Holmes  
To: John Watson  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: Re: Come home

You're still not home I'm still bored.

Some comments on your answers.

1\. I did not deserve to be punched in the face, I asked you to do it.

3\. Depending on whether my comment above offends you I'll be waiting for you in our bedroom.

11\. Who is Dolly Parton?

16\. Blue? I thought it was purple.

20\. A Gorilla? Really? I'm thinking kitten myself.

I decided to fill in another one Mrs Hudson suggested from Cosmopolitan online.

I am answering these questions as if you were asking them John.

#1 What is the ideal number of calls a couple should exchange in a day? None.

#2 Would you compromise your happiness for the success of the relationship? Only with you

#3 What’s your idea of a romantic vacation? A good murder somewhere secluded.

#4 What’s the single most important thing for a relationship to be successful? Hot tea and biscuits.

#5 What would you define as cheating? Dilated eyes.

#6 If I cheated on you, would you ever forgive me? After my brother as killed you, yes.

#7 Would you ever say sorry to me even if it’s not your fault? I have several times.

#8 Are you friends with any of your exes? No.

#9 How should finances be planned between a couple? No.

#10 Do you think celebrating Valentine’s Day is corny? Yes.

#11 What was your first impression about me? I would say short and reasonably attractive.

#12 Can you avoid flirting if someone attractive flirts with you when I’m not around? Yes other people are dull.

#13 Do you think romantic gifts have to be memorable or do they have to be useful? Useful is good (I need more Iodine).

#14 How would you want to spend a special day with each other? Running across the rooftops after a criminal, then possibly sex.

#15 What is the most special memory of us that you hold? Laughing with you in the hallway after we had chased a taxi across   
London.

#16 If I told you to jump off a tall cliff and tell you that you’ll land safely because there’s a net you can’t see yet, would you blindly trust me and jump? Yes.

#17 Do you have to know all of my friends? Oh god no.

#18 Do you think past relationship secrets should always be kept hidden? Keep a secret from me?

#19 Do you think confessions make a relationship stronger? I don't need to confess anything (see above for more details regarding yourself).

#20 Is it fine for a partner to use the toilet with the door open? Not after you've had a curry.

#21 After a break up, would you ask for your gifts back/would you give back all the gifts? I wouldn't care.

#22 Which love song best describes our relationship? Mack the Knife.

#23 Describe your perfect man/woman that you would like to date. John, short, graying, average and a conductor of light

#24 In a relationship, what would make you feel happier, sharing or sacrificing? Sharing, I like it when you share.

#25 Would you lie to make me happy and where would you draw the line? Yes, there is no line I would draw.

#26 What are some annoying habits of other couples that irritate you the most? Kissing, cuddling, touching, breathing, obviously because they don't have a John Watson (and they never will).

#27 Who would you prefer as a partner, a good looking person or an extremely clever person? John.

#28 How do you vent out your frustrations in a relationship? I shoot the wall

#29 When was the last time I came in your dreams? I don't think you've ever done that in my dreams (is this a trick question?)

#30 If we went to a store to buy a couch and both of us liked different couches, would you still go with my pick? Yes but you'd like the one I liked.

#31 Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules? Neither.

#32 How often would you want to go out on a date with me in a month? Depends on how many days there are in the month.

#33 What is your biggest sexual turn off? Anderson.

#34 What do you find sexiest about a person of the opposite sex? Johness (I am going to propose the word be added to the Oxford Dictionary).

#35 What’s your wildest sexual fantasy that you’d want to try with me? I think I'd like you to take me on a rooftop in the dark

#36 Would you feel insecure if I spent a lot of time at work? I am.

#37 How many sexual partners have you had in the past? 1.

#38 If you were convinced that I was making a bad decision, what would you do about it? Tie you up.

#39 Do you like babies/how many kids would you like to have someday? No comment.

#40 When was the last time you disliked me? Now - why are you in work?

#41 If someone attractive exchanges glances with you at work, would you tell me about it? No.

#42 What’s the craziest thing you’d be willing to do for me? I would die for you.

#43 What kind of a parent do you think you’d be? Horrible.

#44 When do you think a person is ready for marriage? When their hair turns green. What a stupid question

#45 What’s the one thing about me you’d like to change? Nothing.

#46 In an argument, whose side would you take, me or your mother? You, mummy is constantly incorrect.

#47 Would you relocate for love? Only for you.

#48 Would you be open to disclosing all your health issues to me all the time? You are my Dr, I have little choice.

#49 If you’re having a bad day, would you want me to leave you alone or spend time with you and cheer you up? Leave me alone or throw me on the bed and have your way.

#50 What’s more important, sexual chemistry or spending time together? Time with you.

Please fill this in and return hopefully I won't have died of boredom before then.


	4. Chapter 4

From: John Watson  
To: Sherlock Holmes  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Come home

11\. Who is Dolly Parton? - You've seen 9 to 5 Sherlock, I was with you on the couch. She's the one with the big boobs.

16\. Blue? I thought it was purple. - Purple on you.

20\. A Gorilla? Really? I'm thinking kitten myself. - Me a kitten?

#1 What is the ideal number of calls a couple should exchange in a day? None you said. And yet you continue to email me.

#2 Would you compromise your happiness for the success of the relationship? Yes in a heartbeat.

#3 What’s your idea of a romantic vacation? A good film, a curry and a warm bed.

#4 What’s the single most important thing for a relationship to be successful? Patience.

#5 What would you define as cheating? Snogging.

#6 If I cheated on you, would you ever forgive me? Yes

#7 Would you ever say sorry to me even if it’s not your fault? Yes

#8 Are you friends with any of your exes? Yes

#9 How should finances be planned between a couple? Why did you say no? I think they should.

#10 Do you think celebrating Valentine’s Day is corny? No it's a chance to have a good shag.

#11 What was your first impression about me? Odd but breathtakingly handsome.

#12 Can you avoid flirting if someone attractive flirts with you when I’m not around? Yes.

#13 Do you think romantic gifts have to be memorable or do they have to be useful? Either (and I'll bring you more Iodine).

#14 How would you want to spend a special day with each other? Snuggling, eating good food, touching, making love...

#15 What is the most special memory of us that you hold? The first time you kissed me.

#16 If I told you to jump off a tall cliff and tell you that you’ll land safely because there’s a net you can’t see yet, would you blindly trust me and jump? Yes, I'm insane.

#17 Do you have to know all of my friends? I am him.

#18 Do you think past relationship secrets should always be kept hidden? No.

#19 Do you think confessions make a relationship stronger? Yes

#20 Is it fine for a partner to use the toilet with the door open? (I'm not that bad Sherlock) But no, I actually like privacy while I'm taking a crap rather than you barging in to get some experiment.

#21 After a break up, would you ask for your gifts back/would you give back all the gifts? I'd give yours back then die of unhappiness.

#22 Which love song best describes our relationship? Chasing Cars

#23 Describe your perfect man/woman that you would like to date? Sherlock, tall, dark, beautiful, sexy, oh and a genius.

#24 In a relationship, what would make you feel happier, sharing or sacrificing? Sacrificing, I would give it all to you even if you are a git.

#25 Would you lie to make me happy and where would you draw the line? I would try but you would know

#26 What are some annoying habits of other couples that irritate you the most? Kissing, cuddling, touching, breathing, obviously because they don't have a John Watson (and they never will). - I'm definitely going to do things to you tonight.

#27 Who would you prefer as a partner, a good looking person or an extremely clever person? John. - You're really making me feel like a teenager in love.

#28 How do you vent out your frustrations in a relationship? I shout.

#29 When was the last time I came in your dreams? The night before last.

#30 If we went to a store to buy a couch and both of us liked different couches, would you still go with my pick? Yes I'd like the one you liked, generally because I wouldn't hear the end of it otherwise.

#31 Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules? It's about enjoying yourselves.

#32 How often would you want to go out on a date with me in a month? Every day.

#33 What is your biggest sexual turn off? Exploding experiments.

#34 What do you find sexiest about a person of the opposite sex? Johness Sherlock? Well you are one of a kind so I suppose if you can consider me the opposite sex I can do the same of you. Amazing eyes it is.

#35 What’s your wildest sexual fantasy that you’d want to try with me? I think I'd like you to take me on a rooftop in the dark. - I think that's mine too now.

#36 Would you feel insecure if I spent a lot of time at work? You do and, no.

#37 How many sexual partners have you had in the past? 12ish....

#38 If you were convinced that I was making a bad decision, what would you do about it? Shout a lot.

#39 Do you like babies/how many kids would you like to have someday? Maybe.

#40 When was the last time you disliked me? This morning when you didn't kiss me goodbye.

#41 If someone attractive exchanges glances with you at work, would you tell me about it? Yes.

#42 What’s the craziest thing you’d be willing to do for me? I would die for you too.

#43 What kind of a parent do you think you’d be? Pretty good.

#44 When do you think a person is ready for marriage? When you don't worry about not being married

#45 What’s the one thing about me you’d like to change? Your eating habits

#46 In an argument, whose side would you take, me or your mother? My mum is very small but very scary. I might just hide somewhere.

#47 Would you relocate for love? Yes.

#48 Would you be open to disclosing all your health issues to me all the time? Better than your brother telling you.

#49 If you’re having a bad day, would you want me to leave you alone or spend time with you and cheer you up? Make me tea then leave me alone.

#50 What’s more important, sexual chemistry or spending time together? Time.

Right I'll be home in a bit, hopefully you'll be occupied with this till I can get there.

I love you Sherlock.

Johnxxx


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to epsentinel for sending me the questionnaire!

From: Sherlock Holmes  
To: John Watson  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: One for you

I see that you decided to make a head start today. Here are a few comments on your answers.

**60 Questions People Don’t Ask Survey:**

1\. When's the last time you ran? About 10 minutes ago when Mrs Bentley's son fell off a chair in the waiting room and hit his head. He's fine, just a nose bleed. - I hope you saved the tissue for me. I feel an experiment coming on.

2\. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? They have holes, I need a new pair. - In the bottom of your wardrobe on the left, I bought them last week for you.

3\. What are you dreading right now? The dentist next week. - Really John you invaded Afghanistan, and you're afraid of a filling.

4\. Do you celebrate 420? 420? - A time of day when people smoke various substances, according to my contact.

5\. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? Chance would be a fine thing. - I thought you liked me surprising you by performing fellatio when you're dead asleep?

6\. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would ya'll do? Listen to Sherlock explain why they had to leave. - They should call first so we arrange to be out.

7\. Who last grabbed your ass? The receptionist at the surgery, it was a joke. - She may find that she will have to catch the bus home tonight, you won't need to worry about her touching you again, the note attached to the sheep's head on the passenger seat explains it all.

8\. Have you ever been on your school's track team? Never been a runner. - No you haven't have you.

9\. Do you own a pair of Converse? No, I prefer a good pair of boots. - Converse? 

10\. Did you copy and paste this survey? Yes

11\. Do you eat raw cookie dough? Yes. - Mrs Hudson is baking this afternoon so we may have the chance to acquire more.

12\. Have you ever kicked a vending machine? And head butted one they're worse than chip and pin machines. - Why do insist on arguing with inanimate objects?

13\. Don't you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? Yes. - I agree and that is why I shot the radio.

14\. Do you watch Trading Spaces? I don't know what that is. - No idea.

15\. How do you eat Oreos? I'd rather have a nice Rich Tea biscuit myself, dunked in a nice cuppa. - Are they the ones that leave a black ring around my mouth when I eat them?

16\. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? Yes. - Me I hope.

17\. Are you cocky? Not overly. - You do enjoy telling everyone you were a soldier.

18\. Could you live without a computer? Yes. - Luddite.

19\. Do you wear your shoes in the house? Yes. - That's why your feet smell.

20\. Who or what sleeps with you? Sherlock, Gladstone, if Sherlock's ill Cedrick (his teddy). - Where is Cedrick?

21\. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real? Of course he's real. - Don't be moronic.

22\. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? 4 working ones and a drawer full of broken ones. - It was an experiment.

23\. What do you do when you're sad? Suck it up. - Or make me, as you so eloquently put it 'suck it up'.

24\. Who would you call first if you won the lottery? An ambulance because it would probably make me have a heart attack. - I wouldn't allow you to have one.

25\. Last time you saw your best friend? Before I came to work. - Either you saw Greg or I'm your best friend.

26\. Are you in high school? No

27\. What jewelry are you wearing? I have a necklace with Sherlock's ring around my neck. - I keep yours in my pocket, it seems less 'desperate teenage girl' that way.

28\. Is anyone on your bad side now? Yes - I thought you had forgiven me for the hand in the freezer?

29\. What's the first thing you do when you get online? Check the news. - John you usually check what porn has been uploaded first. I know, I check your internet history.

30\. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? I watched it once with a girlfriend, as a doctor I don't it that appealing. That would be a book if it was spelt correctly.

31\. How do most people spell your name? J O H N - Tedious question.

32\. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? Yes, but only the tops because Sherlock's too damned skinny for me to fit into the bottoms. - I am lithe, not skinny.

33\. Where do you work? At a surgery. - You should work with me, in the flat.

34\. What are you doing tomorrow? Working, going home, eating, hugging Sherlock because I'd rather be with him. - You can be quite romantic you know.

35\. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson? No. - Who, and wasn't that the one who's death I was asked to investigate?

36\. Favorite name for a girl? Martina (Not really thought about it) 

37\. Favorite name for a boy? William? - Oh, that's a coincidence.

38\. Will you keep your last name when you get married? Yes. - Watson Holmes, it has a nice ring to it.

39\. When was the last time you left your house? This morning

40\. Do you return your cart? Shopping Trolley? Yes, it keeps your quid otherwise. 

41\. Do you have a dishwasher? I am the dishwasher. -And you don't stop complaining about it.

42\. What noise do you hear? A patent coughing. - You should come home the surgery is full of sick people again and I don't want you to be ill. Mrs Hudson doesn't make tea as frequently.

43\. Would you survive in prison? Yes. - I would never allow it.

44\. Who is the youngest in your family? Harry. - Mentally as well as physically.

45\. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likely overpack? Sherlock. - Apple should create an I-microscope. It would make life much easier.

46\. Do you know anyone with the same name as you? Yes

47\. What's the last thing you purchased? Packet of Cheese and Onion crisps. - Please brush before kissing me.

48\. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? No. 

49\. What brand are your pants right now? Marks and Spencer, red. - My favourite

50\. Ever been to Georgia (the state)? No. 

51\. What irritates you most on the internet? Trolls. 

52\. What brand is your digital camera? Sony. - Try the Nikon one under the bed, it's a DSLR, much greater detail for those special photographs you like to take of me.

53\. Do you watch movies with your parents? No

54\. What song best describes your life right now? Show me the way to go Home. - I'll be outside waiting for you at 5.

55\. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? Yes. - Please use it more often, it smells incredible on you, I will buy you more.

56\. Are you taking college classes right now? No

57\. Do you like sushi? Yes

58\. Do you get your hair cut every month? Yes

59\. Do you go online everyday? Yes

60\. Will you pass this survey on to 5 people? No - Just me

I've been sent a rather long one that I will fill out after I've had the tea that Mrs Hudson made for me.

Sherlock


	6. Chapter 6

From: Sherlock Holmes  
To: John Watson  
Cc:  
Subject: Dull

The questionnaire Mrs Hudson sent me was rather dull. Molly sent me these, they're not much better. Would you consider leaving your job if I paid you? I'm finding the wait between cases incredibly tedious without you. Fill them in before you see Mrs Jones, she's been had one of her turns again.

 

Have You Ever:

1\. Given a hickey? I assume 'hickey' means 'love bite', yes for a case.

2\. Had a one night stand? No

3\. Made someone cry? Often

4\. Opened your Christmas/Hanukkah presents early? No point, I usually know what they are.

5\. Been online for more than 10 hours in a row? Yes

6\. Pretended to be someone you weren't online? Often

7\. Eaten food that fell on the floor? No, I've never been that hungry.

8\. Been caught cheating? At cards, when I was a child.

9\. Been caught naked? Frequently 

10\. Flashed someone? Often when other cars don't have their lights on at night.

11\. Gone out without underwear on? Yes 

12\. Got into a fist fight? Yes

13\. Swallowed bath water? No, do people do that?

14\. Peed in the pool? Yes

15\. Thrown up in public? Yes, unfortunately for the Trafalgar Square fountains.

16\. Been so drunk you can't walk? Yes

17\. Peed in public? No

18\. Broken wind and blamed someone else? IT WAS GLADSTONE!|

19\. Done something mean you regretted? Yes, John was being annoying and caring again.

20\. Ever played pull my finger? Is that sort of game?

 

Couple Survey:

1\. What is their name? John

2\. What pet name do you like to call them? John

3\. How long have you been together? Ask John

4\. How did you meet? John walked into a room I was in.

5\. What do you like the most about them? Everything

6\. What do you like the least about them? His possible heterosexuality.

7\. What is the best thing they have ever done for you? Love me

8\. Have they met your parents yet? Yes, unfortunately

9\. What would your kids look like if you had kids? Like John

10\. What is the worst argument you have had? The one when John found out I put my antique knives collection in his sock drawer. In my defence the blades were all sterilised.

11\. Do you still kiss a lot? Yes

12\. Who asked who out? I asked John after he berated me because I wanted him to ask me out, it was rather complicated.

13\. Do you think you will get married? Yes

14\. Can you see yourself growing old with them? Yes

15\. What is the one thing you would like to change about them? I'd like to see him wear more red pants.

16\. What do you think they would like to change about you? My face, I look like a horse.

17\. What is the first gift they ever bought you? A mug with 'Genius' on. I assume it was meant to be ironic as I was growing a mould culture in my usual mug.

18\. Do you have a favourite song together? No, John has no taste in music.

19\. Which famous person do you think they look like the most? Madonna?

20\. Would you say the two of you are a good match? Not at all.

I expect your reply in the next hour.

SH


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments in brackets are John's reply to Sherlock's answers.

From: John Watson  
To: Sherlock Holmes  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: Dull

I am here to, you know - work Sherlock. Oh god, Mrs Jones again.

Have You Ever:

1\. Given a hickey? Yes after case.

2\. Had a one night stand? Yes

3\. Made someone cry? Once, I try not to.

4\. Opened your Christmas/Hanukkah presents early? No point, I usually know what they are. (Sherlock come on Santa gave you one last year and you didn't know what it was.) - No I never have, I prefer a surprise. 

5\. Been online for more than 10 hours in a row? Yes, I could barely see afterward

6\. Pretended to be someone you weren't online? Nope

7\. Eaten food that fell on the floor? Yes, when you're hungry and there's not much food.. (I'm taking about being in Afghanistan it's not quite that dire in the flat. Get the beans please.)

8\. Been caught cheating? At cards, when I was a child. (And as an adult.) - No I don't cheat

9\. Been caught naked? Frequently (I'm starting to worry about Mrs Hudson's heart. She seems to catch you quite often.) - Yes

10\. Flashed someone? Often when other cars don't have their lights on at night. (It means to show someone your 'naughty' bits then cover them back up. So in your case quite often.) - Yes

11\. Gone out without underwear on? Yes when they've gone missing from my drawer. 

12\. Got into a fist fight? Yes

13\. Swallowed bath water? No, do people do that? (Not on purpose.) - Yes Harry held my head under the bathwater when we were little, she was always bigger than me.

14\. Peed in the pool? No

15\. Thrown up in public? Yes, unfortunately for the Trafalgar Square fountains. (And the New Scotland Yard sign.) - Yes, I was a teenager once

16\. Been so drunk you can't walk? Yes

17\. Peed in public? Yes, better than peeing my pants, I thought at the time

18\. Broken wind and blamed someone else? IT WAS GLADSTONE! (It was not! He does SBDs, that was like a machine gun. - No of course I haven't I have morals ;)

19\. Done something mean you regretted? Yes, John was being annoying and caring again. (And after you let me put the antiseptic on it felt better. You didn't have to tell me I am the worse Dr than Shipman.) - Yes

20\. Ever played pull my finger? Is that sort of game? (I'll show you when I get home. I had bran flakes for breakfast) - Yes

Couple Survey:

1\. What is their name? Sherlock

2\. What pet name do you like to call them? Lock

3\. How long have you been together? Ask John (Really?) - 18 months

4\. How did you meet? I was looking for a flat share and my mate Mike introduced us.

5\. What do you like the most about them? His eyes, cheekbones, perfect lips, everything.

6\. What do you like the least about them? His inability to buy milk

7\. What is the best thing they have ever done for you? Love me (Sherlock I don't know what to say) - Fix me

8\. Have they met your parents yet? Yes

9\. What would your kids look like if you had kids? Like Sherlock

10\. What is the worst argument you have had? The one when John found out I put my antique knives collection in his sock drawer. In my defence the blades were all sterilised. (I nearly lost my finger!) - Same argument.

11\. Do you still kiss a lot? Yes

12\. Who asked who out? I asked John after he berated me because I wanted him to ask me out, it was rather complicated. - Sherlock asked me.

13\. Do you think you will get married? Yes (Really?) - God yes!

14\. Can you see yourself growing old with them? If we don't get ourselves killed first.

15\. What is the one thing you would like to change about them? I'd like to see him naked more ;)

16\. What do you think they would like to change about you? My face, I look like a horse. (Sherlock don't be stupid you do not look like a horse) - My height.

17\. What is the first gift they ever bought you? Dinner.

18\. Do you have a favourite song together? Let's get it on - Marvin Gaye

19\. Which famous person do you think they look like the most? Madonna? (She's a lady Sherlock!) - A more attractive, young Neil Tennant.

20\. Would you say the two of you are a good match? The best.

Try to leave an hour before you send over the next one. 

John  
X


	8. Chapter 8

From: Sherlock Holmes  
To: John Watson  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: Re: Dull

Here are several points you made that I would like to comment on from the previous questionnaire;

Sherlock come on Santa gave you one last year and you didn't know what it was. – From what I was told as a child, I didn’t think Father Christmas performed fellatio.

I'm starting to worry about Mrs Hudson's heart. She seems to catch you quite often. – I think she appreciates a well toned buttock.

I'd like to see him naked more ;) – You may want to be here at 4pm.

You’d like to change your height, you are the perfect size. I can quite comfortably rest my arm on your shoulder.

1\. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?  
Yes

2\. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?  
I was close last night while John forced me to watch another Jack Bond film.

3\. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?  
It's acceptable.

4\. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?  
Haslet.

5\. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?  
No 

6\. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?  
No. I’m annoying, rude, and generally anti-social.

7\. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?  
Most of the time in fact.

8\. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?  
No 

9\. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?  
Yes, I don’t think John would let me though.

10\. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?  
Coco Pops. 

11\. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?  
No, how dull life would be to waste precious seconds doing something I can get John to do later.

12\. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?  
Yes.

13\. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?  
Ben and Jerry’s Vernomonster.

14\. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?  
Everything

15\. RED OR PINK?  
Blue

16\. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?  
I lisp occasionally.

17\. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?  
Redbeard

18\. ANY TATTOOS?  
No 

19\. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES?  
Origami

20\. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?  
I’m not wearing any.

21\. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?  
Toast? I’m not sure I think I deleted it before it was digested.

22\. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?  
Gladstone snoring.

23\. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?  
Black

24\. FAVORITE SMELLS?  
John (but not when he’s eaten baked beans, cheese, Brussels sprouts, bran flakes, muesli, the list goes on). 

25\. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?  
Lestrade (still no cases).

26\. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?  
Mountain hideaway.

27\. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?  
None.

28\. HAIR COLOR?  
Dark brown.

29\. EYE COLOR?  
Blue 

30\. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?  
Occasionally for a case. 

31\. FAVORITE FOOD?  
Vernomonster ice cream.

32\. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?  
If I have to watch one, scary.

33\. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?  
Jeff Bond – Golden Compass?

34\. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?  
Grey (I think it was white once) it’s a t-shirt.

35\. SUMMER OR WINTER?  
Winter – I like my coat.

36\. HUGS OR KISSES?  
Both from John, neither from anyone else (except Gladstone and my niece Violet).

37\. FAVORITE DESSERT?  
Vernomonster ice cream

38\. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?  
Cardio.

39\. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?  
Computer. 

40\. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?  
Australian poisons and their uses.

41\. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?  
I don’t have one.

42\. FAVORITE SOUND?  
The noise John makes in bed.

43\. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?  
The Beatles. 

44\. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?  
Christmas Island.

45\. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?  
Yes. 

46\. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?  
London.

47\. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?  
London. 

48\. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?  
White.

49\. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?  
Black.

50\. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?  
No particularly, but it does kill the boredom for a moment.

Come home soon or I will set fire to your tie collection.

SH


	9. Chapter 9

From: John Watson  
To: Sherlock Holmes  
Cc:  
Subject: Re:Re:Re: Dull

Last one for today.

1\. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?  
Yes - My great grandfather

2\. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?  
My eyes watered a bit last night when I stubbed my toe on one of your bloody shoes.

3\. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?  
I'm a doctor.

4\. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?  
Haslet. - Ditto I haven't had a bit of that for years.

5\. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?  
No 

6\. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?  
Yes, I can put up with a lot.

7\. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?  
No.

8\. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?  
Yes.

9\. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?  
Yes, I don’t think John would let me though. - No jumping off things, and no I wouldn't do it.

10\. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?  
Cornflakes. 

11\. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?  
No, how dull life would be to waste precious seconds doing something I can get John to do later. - You cock! And yes I do.

12\. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?  
Yes.

13\. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?  
Vanilla.

14\. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?  
Their eyes.

15\. RED OR PINK?  
Red.

16\. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?  
I have smelly feet.

17\. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?  
My granddad.

18\. ANY TATTOOS?  
No 

19\. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES?  
Sherlock.

20\. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?  
Brown.

21\. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?  
Toast? I’m not sure I think I deleted it before it was digested. - Have you bloody eaten? I'm taking you for Chinese tonight. Tuna Sandwich (it was horrible).

22\. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?  
Mrs Thomas complain about her bunion.

23\. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?  
Brown

24\. FAVORITE SMELLS?  
Sherlock when he comes to bed after a shower. Mrs Hudson's cakes.

25\. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?  
Mary the receptionist.

26\. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?  
Beach House, I need some sun.

27\. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?  
Footy.

28\. HAIR COLOR?  
Grey.

29\. EYE COLOR?  
Blue 

30\. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?  
No. 

31\. FAVORITE FOOD?  
Today- Chinese.

32\. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?  
Scary.

33\. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?  
James Bond – Golden Eye.

34\. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?  
Cream and blue plaid.

35\. SUMMER OR WINTER?  
Summer.

36\. HUGS OR KISSES?  
Both. Especially from Sherlock.

37\. FAVORITE DESSERT?  
Apple pie with cheddar.

38\. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?  
Strength.

39\. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?  
Telly. 

40\. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?  
40 Sheds of grey a she greyer.

41\. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?  
The Microsoft logo.

42\. FAVORITE SOUND?  
Silence.

43\. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?  
The Beatles. 

44\. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?  
Perth Australia.

45\. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?  
I can play the clarinet. 

46\. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?  
Aldersot.

47\. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?  
London. 

48\. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?  
White.

49\. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?  
Black.

50\. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?  
No.

Right I'm done I'll be there in 10. 

Ok I'll meet you outside since you're staring at me through the window.

John xx


	10. Chapter 10

From: Sherlock Holmes  
To: John Watson  
Cc:  
Subject: One more day…

I must admit that that I am overly happy that these stupid shifts you have been doing will soon be over. I’m looking forward to not having to wait for Mrs Hudson to bring me tea. I thought perhaps we could celebrate by going to the lab together. 

What is your favourite fruit flavour? Gooseberry

Which two friends can you see together as a couple? I only have 1 friend 

Which sitcom character do you relate to? Maybe this wasn’t the best questionnaire

Rate all your friends on the basis of their sense of humour on a scale of one to ten (10 being the highest). John – 5

If you were granted three wishes, what would you ask for? John, an endless supply of crimes (7 and above), and an apiary. 

Name one annoying habit of any of your friends', which you would really like to change? Passing wind

What are your pet peeves? Idiots

Where do you see yourself five years from now? Here

What would you do if you won the lottery? The same things I do now but with John wearing better clothes

If you were born a boy/girl, how would things have turned out for you? A hermaphrodite? Intercourse may be different 

Would you be brave enough to spend an entire hour alone in a cemetery? It’s a cemetery for goodness sake, what an odd question

What is the one thing you wish you could do if given the chance? I can do anything I want

Do you believe that there is life beyond our planet? Yes I know this one, the moon orbits the sun

Got a phobia you want to share? No

What is the weirdest thing you've ever done? I wore stockings and suspenders under my trousers

If you could be anyone, who would you be? Me

How long can you hold your breath? 11 minutes 32 seconds

If you were stranded on an island, what are the three most important things that you think you would need? John, Gladstone, Tea 

Have you ever tried bungee jumping or paragliding? Yes

How do you think the world is going to end? In flames or an ice age? Mycroft is going to eat it

What are the five things you cannot do without? John, Gladstone, Crime, the work, Vernomonster Ice cream

Give us an idea of your hopes and dreams. I don’t want to be bored

What is your favourite day of the week? The day John isn’t working

Are you a cat/dog person? Dog

If you had to choose between world domination or world peace, which one would you pick? Domination

What is your favourite breakfast meal? Vernomonster Ice cream

Who or what inspires you? John

If you could live on any other planet, which one would it be? The moon?

I await your prompt reply. We seem to have run out of milk.

SH


	11. Chapter 11

From: John Watson  
To: Sherlock Holmes  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: One more day

Sherlock I need the money at the moment, and although I enjoy watching you contemplate your navel all day it does become a little ‘boring’ after a while. I would love to go to the lab with you though.

What is your favourite fruit flavour? Orange today 

Which two friends can you see together as a couple? Greg and Mycroft, oh they are!

Which sitcom character do you relate to? Tim from the Office

Rate all your friends on the basis of their sense of humour on a scale of one to ten (10 being the highest). Sherlock – 10 (I can’t believe you gave a me a 5), Greg – 9, Harry – 7, Molly – 7, Mrs Hudson – 9, Mary at the clinic – 8, Mike – 9, Bill -9, Mycroft - minus 10….

If you were granted three wishes, what would you ask for? Sherlock, tea, and jam.

Name one annoying habit of any of your friends', which you would really like to change? Sherlock speaking before he thinks

What are your pet peeves? People who don’t buy milk after using it for an ‘experiment’

Where do you see yourself five years from now? Probably running after Sherlock

What would you do if you won the lottery? The same things I do now but with John wearing better clothes (you cheeky git) – I would like to have a long holiday somewhere not too hot because Sherlock doesn’t like it

If you were born a boy/girl, how would things have turned out for you? A hermaphrodite? Intercourse may be different (Oh god..) If I was a girl I would probably be my sister, pissed off at the world 

Would you be brave enough to spend an entire hour alone in a cemetery? Done it several times, had sex in one once

What is the one thing you wish you could do if given the chance? I can’t click my fingers, I would like to give it a go

Do you believe that there is life beyond our planet? Yes I know this one, the moon orbits the sun (?) – Yes it lives with me it just doesn’t know it

Got a phobia you want to share? I don’t like the thought of lice, dealt with them but they make me feel uncomfortable

What is the weirdest thing you've ever done? I wore stockings and suspenders under my trousers (o.0 don’t suppose you want to put them on tonight?) I had to pull a sausage in batter out of my mates ass at his stag do, then treat him for burns in a Tesco Metro 

If you could be anyone, who would you be? Me because Sherlock think’s I’m as hot as a sausage in batter

How long can you hold your breath? 11 minutes 32 seconds (really?) I can do about 3-4 minutes

If you were stranded on an island, what are the three most important things that you think you would need? Sherlock, Gladstone, (JammyTea, tea with jam on? Is that one thing? I need both) 

Have you ever tried bungee jumping or paragliding? Yes 

How do you think the world is going to end? In flames or an ice age? Mycroft is going to eat it (that’s very childish) Flames

What are the five things you cannot do without? Sherlock, Gladstone, tea, jam, biscuits

Give us an idea of your hopes and dreams. I don’t want to be alone

What is your favourite day of the week? Sunday – sometimes I get a lay in

Are you a cat/dog person? Dog

If you had to choose between world domination or world peace, which one would you pick? Peace man!

What is your favourite breakfast meal? Vernomonster Ice cream (Sherlock you do realise you have another addiction) Jam, tea and toast

Who or what inspires you? Sherlock and my mum  
If you could live on any other planet, which one would it be? The moon? (It’s not a planet Sherlock) Pluto, I don’t care it’s still a planet in my heart

I await your prompt reply. We seem to have run out of milk. (Go and get some sodding milk then you beyond lazy git).

I love you, only 5 more hours!

John


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For epsentinel because she asked and she hasn't been very well.
> 
> Mycroft fill in a questionaire. Based on the answers Sherlock provided in chapter 10.

From: Mycroft Holmes  
To: Sherlock Holmes; John Watson;   
Cc: Silverfox  
Subject: Fw: One more day…

Sherlock, I have been insulted enough by your childish, petty insults. I am finally stooping to your level and have filled in this questionnaire accordingly.

 

What is your favourite fruit flavour? Raspberry (Sherlock is allergic to it)

Which two friends can you see together as a couple? Define ‘friend’

Which sitcom character do you relate to? Mr Darcy

Rate all your friends acquaintances on the basis of their sense of humour on a scale of one to ten: John – 1, Anthea – 1, Mrs Hudson – 0 

If you were granted three wishes, what would you ask for? Gregory’s eternal safety, a quiet life, good health

Name one annoying habit of any of your friends' relatives, which you would really like to change? Sherlock’s constant need to bring up the fact that I enjoy ‘cake’

What are your pet peeves? See above

Where do you see yourself five years from now? Retired

What would you do if you won the lottery? Ask Gregory to retire with me and move to a Art-Deco mansion on the coast

If you were born a boy/girl, how would things have turned out for you? A hermaphrodite? Intercourse may be different (Really Sherlock? Your interpretation is amusing.) Nothing would be different 

Would you be brave enough to spend an entire hour alone in a cemetery? It’s a cemetery for goodness sake, what an odd question – I must agree with Sherlock, a fear of cemeteries is irrational

What is the one thing you wish you could do if given the chance? Fix past political indiscretions

Do you believe that there is life beyond our planet? Yes I know this one, the moon orbits the sun (Sherlock! I demand that you re-read your year seven text books, you are an embarrassment) – Yes, the universe cannot be completely full of goldfish 

Got a phobia you want to share? Phobias are irrational

What is the weirdest thing you've ever done? I wore stockings and suspenders under my trousers (I had always thought you were strange brother) – I watched an episode of Jeremy Kyle

If you could be anyone, who would you be? Mr Darcy

How long can you hold your breath? 11 minutes 47 seconds, a little longer than Sherlock. Due to the fact I am 2” taller and have a larger lung capacity 

If you were stranded on an island, what are the three most important things that you think you would need? Gregory, Alexandra, a good Scotch 

Have you ever tried bungee jumping or paragliding? Yes

How do you think the world is going to end? In flames or an ice age? Mycroft is going to eat it (Very Immature Sherlock) - Neither, if I can help it

What are the five things you cannot do without? Gregory, Alexandra, my laptop, my phone, a good French patisserie

Give us an idea of your hopes and dreams. I want to be content

What is your favourite day of the week? Sunday, in a Christian society it tends to be quieter and I can relax a little

Are you a cat/dog person? Cat

If you had to choose between world domination or world peace, which one would you pick? Domination, purely due to the overabundance of goldfish in society

What is your favourite breakfast meal? Eggs Benedict

Who or what inspires you? Socrates

If you could live on any other planet, which one would it be? The moon? (Please see my note regarding reading your high school textbooks) Saturn, it is rather pretty when viewed through a telescope.

Sherlock, please see to it that you ‘refresh’ your knowledge of the Solar system before we join mummy for her birthday celebrations next week. There will be a test.  
Gregory, please complete the quiz and return when you have a moment.  
Regards

Mycroft Holmes


	13. Chapter 13

From: Silverfox  
To: Mycroft Holmes  
Cc: Sherlock Holmes; John Watson  
Subject: Fw: Re: One more day…

ROFWL at your snipes at Sherlock, you two are a right pair. Like my niece and nephew but they’re 7 and 5. 

So I’m filling this in on my break, using my own notepad and the wireless in Starbucks. Just so that I don’t get accused of wasting Police resources (you never know who’s reading your email). 

What is your favourite fruit flavour? Banana

Which two friends can you see together as a couple? Dimmock and PC Rogers 

Which sitcom character do you relate to? Uncle Bryn from Gavin and Stacey lol 

Rate all your friends on the basis of their sense of humour on a scale of one to ten: Mycroft – 10, Dimmock – 9, Sally – 3, Anderson – 6, Sherlock – 4, John 9, Molly – 7 (just a couple, I don’t have all day)

If you were granted three wishes, what would you ask for? Gregory’s eternal safety, a quiet life, good health (Mycroft you’re just a big softy) – Mycroft and me to live happily ever after, for people to get a conscience (I know it puts me out of a job), Chelsea to win more games!

Name one annoying habit of any of your friends', which you would really like to change? Mycroft following me everywhere with CCTV.

What are your pet peeves? Mycroft staying up working when he should be in bed with me

Where do you see yourself five years from now? Retired - Ditto

What would you do if you won the lottery? Ask Gregory to retire with me and move to an Art-Deco mansion on the coast – That sounds amazing, I would probably buy a Goldwing too I love bikes

If you were born a boy/girl, how would things have turned out for you? I would have been called Chelsea, it would have been a bit awkward at matches 

Would you be brave enough to spend an entire hour alone in a cemetery? Yes

What is the one thing you wish you could do if given the chance? See in through walls, I’d love too see what Myc is actually doing in the bathroom for 30 minutes before he comes to bed

Do you believe that there is life beyond our planet? Yes, and they’re ignoring us

Got a phobia you want to share? I don’t like feet

What is the weirdest thing you've ever done? Married my ex

If you could be anyone, who would you be? Jose Mourinho (I could manage better than him)

How long can you hold your breath? 3-4 minutes (haven’t really tested myself)

If you were stranded on an island, what are the three most important things that you think you would need? Mycroft, Sky Sports, larger

Have you ever tried bungee jumping or paragliding? Yes (Really Mycroft?) – No way in hell!

How do you think the world is going to end? In flames or an ice age? Flames 

What are the five things you cannot do without? Mycroft, Chelsea, Larger, bacon sandwiches and money

Give us an idea of your hopes and dreams. I’d like to settle down, maybe create some sort of family relax and enjoy life

Are you a cat/dog person? Dog

If you had to choose between world domination or world peace, which one would you pick? World peace (anyone who had seen what I have would want it too)

What is your favourite breakfast meal? Full English

Who or what inspires you? My Dad, my mum, Mycroft, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes (I’m never going to hear the end of this)

If you could live on any other planet, which one would it be? Saturn, it is rather pretty when viewed through a telescope – Saturn with Mycroft

Well that’s it, I’ve finished my flat black and I’m off to work. Try not to work too hard Mycroft, and remember I’m cooking dinner tonight.

Greg ;)


End file.
